There is much to say about “my story.” I have to admit, it has taken a great deal of God’s redeeming power to bring me to a place where I can lay it all out. I look at my past and I am not proud. It's downright ugly. Yet, I know and believe in a God who forgives completely. One of my favorite verses from Scripture, which brings me great joy and peace, proclaims…
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!”
2 Corinthians 5:17
Amen!
I was blessed to grow up in a family where I knew about God. I believed that God existed, I knew all about Jesus and believed the stuff I learned about Him too. I knew He was born of a virgin, died on a cross, and rose from the dead. I knew all about these things. What I failed to realize, however, was that the God of the universe didn’t care if I knew about Him or about His Son. He wanted me to really know Him.
Knowing about God, as opposed to truly knowing Him, gave me a distorted view of who He truly was. I grew up believing that my behavior earned me favor with God. Being the rebel that I was, I was certainly not gaining any brownie points with God. As a young teenager, I was looking for love through the conduits of this world: material possessions, boys, partying, impulsive thrills, and the like. These things brought an immediate pleasure, but failed to provide a truly satisfying joy in my life. By the age of 13 my life was wrought with major depressive episodes, hospitalizations, and residential treatment. After a superficial recovery and short-lived behavior modification, I continued to live the life of a stereotypical college coed, though I wasn't even 16. By then, I had plummeted to my deepest and darkest low. The weight of guilt was heavy upon my shoulders in the aftermath of the selfish betrayal of my best friend’s trust. I was completely alone.
Around this time, my classmates at my private parochial school and I were going through our confirmation at church. The church gifted each of us with a bible. I hadn’t really ever read the bible, at least not for myself, despite growing up going to church and being enrolled in a religious school since Kindergarten. What I’ve learned, however, is that God doesn’t need church and religion to reveal Himself to those He has called. That night, He showed up in the deep dark shadows of my bedroom as I felt a tug at my heart prompt me to open up that new bible; His Word. While I had no clue where to start, my fingertips thumbed their way to the gospel of John. That night, I stayed up all night reading with an eagerness I’d never felt before. I read the gospel of John from cover to cover, intermittently stopping to cry and pray to a God who I knew about all my life, but didn’t really know.
In reading about Jesus’ life and death, I began to realize for the very first time that God didn’t just want me to know about Him. He wanted me to know Him. He wanted to be Lord of my life and ruler of my heart. He loved me just as I was, despite the ugliness of my sin. I simply needed to respond. That night, everything changed. I look back now and know that God wiped the slate clean that night. The Holy Spirit worked in my heart so that I came to the point where I acknowledged my sin, admitted my need for a Savior, and surrendered to the cross.
“If you declare with your mouth, ‘Jesus is Lord,' and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved.”
Romans 10:9-10
My story doesn’t end there…I will continue to add more [coming soon] and am eager to share the unfolding of God’s redeeming work in my life over the years that followed. I look forward with expectation for how He will continue to move in the years to come!
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